The P.A.I.N. Model
The P.A.I.N. Model helps individuals to:
#1- Identify the source of problems/crises/issues which then allows one to deal directly with the source, rather than the symptoms of the problem, thus eliminating the problem. #2- Recognize ineffective behaviors/unhealthy actions that don’t solve the problem(s) and often reinforce them, eliminating them as habits or patterns and replacing them with appropriate and healthy actions. #3- Confront misconceptions / rationalizations / excuses / ”stinking thinking” which cause or allow ineffective behaviors to be maintained and replace them with clear and accurate views of self, others and the environment. #4- Resolve unresolved feelings evoked or stirred-up by the problems/crises/issues through exploration, venting, and ultimately release. #5- Rewrite toxic beliefs (old, negative tapes) long held from the past which poison your sense of identity and concept, replacing them with positive belief structures. #6- Fulfill core needs (versus the symptom/immediate needs) that were not recognized because the methods used were ineffective, unrecognized, misconceived, unresolved, invalid and therefore unfulfilled. Then, meet those needs through an intrinsic relationship with God as Source in practical, tangible, everyday experiences of Him. |
Love-light is the home of the P.A.I.N. Model. Developed by Dr. Rhodes in 1993, the P.A.I.N. Model- (Personal And Interpersonal Nexus), is considered one of the most effective therapeutic treatment models available today because it goes deeper than any other form of treatment in helping individuals get to the core of issues and achieve complete healing, not just relief from their most pressing symptoms or improved use of skill-sets in relation to circumstances.
Over 25,000 individuals have been helped by the P.A.I.N. Model over the past 20 years across all 5o states and internationally, in university settings, clinical counseling, pastoral counseling, and church and community support groups. 
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Exerts from the Introduction in "The P.A.I.N. Model" Book
The P.A.I.N. Model arose out of my search for a treatment model which would holistically and systemically identify not just real presenting issues of an individual, but would zero-in on the core issue(s) which initiated all subsequent symptomatic presentations. While still a doe-eyed graduate student, I sat eagerly at the feet of my professors soaking-in their knowledge of the counseling field. I studied the “masters” of the field- Rogers, Jung, Piaget, Freud, Minuchin, Haley, Satir, Adler, Dreikurs, Glasser, Ericksen, Erickson, Bowen, Madanes, Adams, Collins, Skynner, Framo, Nagy, Whitaker, Beavers, Olson, and numerous other “up-and-comers” too numerous to mention. I was certain that within at least one of these theories lay the answers to the problems people had in their lives and the solution to helping them find it.
I languished through model after model- Behavioral, Developmental, Cognitive, Cognitive-Behavioral, Experiential, Cognitive-Experiential, Rational, Emotive, Rational-Emotive, Gestalt, Systemic, Strategic, Structural, Trans-generational, Reality, Analytical, Psychoanalytical, Hypnosis, Inner-Child, Theological, Spiritual…. The list went on-and-on. Each model offered something of value, but fell well short of holistically addressing the real/core issue(s) and finding resolution, not merely relief of the current symptom. Ultimately, I gave up trying to find an existing model that fulfilled the need and began work on developing such a model myself. Egotistical? Perhaps, but it was based out of the purest of motivations, the desire to help others find genuine wholeness and healing.
The culmination of my work resulted in what I coined as the P.A.I.N. Model. P.A.I.N. stands for Personal AndInter-personal Nexus. It describes theinterplay between our internal, relational, and environmental experiences and their resulting effects on the life of an individual. It is also a play on the word pain, as unresolved problems are painful and the pathway to healing must often go through the pain and come out the other side to wholeness and healing.
In principle, the model itself is simplistic to describe and intuitive in explanation, but rich in depth and power. The model is based on the principle that if an individual can identify the Core or Source issue in their life, distinguishing the Core from the multiplicity of resulting symptoms which arise as a result of the Core issue (after-effects, coping-mechanisms, escape-mechanisms, defense-mechanisms, etc.). By identifying the Source of the problem it automatically identifies the Source of the solution. Once the Core issue is resolved there is no longer a need for symptom issues and they can be quickly resolved, often they disappear on their own with the resolution of the Core issue and the Source solution. Think about this in terms of the laws of mathematics. By reducing the equation (symptoms) down to it’s most basic element (Core issue), it is now only a matter of solving for the singular solution to that problem (Source solution). The solution is made clear by the identification of the problem, and since we have zeroed-in on exactly what the problem is we can also zero-in on exactly what solution is needed.
Imagine that I told you that in order for you to overcoming all your problems you have to be able to jump across the Mississippi River. If you can just get to the point that in one step you soar over the Mississippi River all your problems will be resolvable. How manageable does that sound? Well, it depends on where you’re looking to start. If you’re like most people and someone says “the Mississippi River” you’ll think about the Southern half of the river, where the river can be a mile wide and a hundred feet deep with paddle boats and barges traveling up and down it’s currents. You tell yourself,“that’s impossible!” Maybe I could train and become an Olympic caliber athlete and get to the point I could long-jump twenty or thirty feet, but so what! What’s twenty or thirty feet compared to a mile!
But, what if we looked at another spot along the Mississippi River. If we trace the Mississippi backwards toward it source, we can get to a spot in Northern Minnesota where the Mississippi River starts off as a spring so small that you can step across without even having to stretch your legs(much less jump twenty or thirty feet). Now, that’s manageable! You can do that!
It’s the same with tracing our unmanageable and overwhelming problems back to their source. By doing so we are able to key into the origins and deal with the manageable source rather than the overwhelming complexity and variations of symptoms that have come over time. If we were to generalize an individual, we could break them down into five (5) basic layers. Each layer deeper than the next and each layer driving the layer above it from the inside out.
The most superficial layer of who we are our actions or Behaviors. What we do, where we do it, when we do it, who we do it with, and how we do it. Our Behaviors, the way we act and interact, are our best attempts to cope-with, solve, resolve the problems, issues, concerns we perceive in our life. This doesn’t mean that our actions are necessarily healthy or the best possible strategy, it’s just the best one we have been able to incorporate up to this point in our life.
Our Behaviors, are driven by the next layer which are our Thoughts. How we think about and perceive our world and the people within it. More particularly, our place in relation to people and the world around us. Our perception, whether accurate or distorted, directly affects how we Behave.For example, it thought that just outside my door a man-eating tiger was prowling around, it isn’t going to make a difference if there really is or isn’t one there. Because, I’M NOT OPENING THAT DOOR to risk finding out! Or, if I think that I live in a safe neighborhood I may leave my doors unlocked or the windows open so the breeze can blow through. If, however, I think I live in a dangerous neighborhood, not only will I NEVER leave my doors unlocked or have my windows open, but I may have bars, or alarms, or guard-dogs as well.
Maybe the best example of how our Thoughts drive our Behaviors is a historical one. Do you remember learning in school how people used to think the world was flat? So, nobody sailed very far on ships because they were afraid of falling off the edge of the flat world. Their perception directly affected what they did (or rather did not do- sail).
Our Thoughts are driven by the third layer which are our Feelings, the emotions we carry around inside. If our emotional experience is primarily composed of positive, healthy, whole/healed Feelings then that sets us up for more positive, confident, assertive, pro-active Thoughts and clearer perceptions. However, if much of our emotional experience is characterized by negative, unhealthy, unhealed Feelings (anger, fear, worry, doubt, guilty, shame, hurt, etc.) then it sets us up for more negative, tentative, reactive Thoughts and distorted perceptions. Such a reactive, unhealed emotional state will often drive polarized Thought states. Individuals will either obsess, dwell, over-think/analyze things or will go to the other extreme and try to distract, avoid, repress, and try not to think about it or be reminded about it at all. Most of us are stuck somewhere in the middle and will bounce around like a cork in the ocean, tossed this way and then that way depending upon the emotional wave of the moment. We’d like to think that we are masters of our own ship (fate), when really we are at the mercy of the unresolved Feelings within.
For example. Imagine you have a big gala ball to attend this weekend. A big black-tie/gown affair. You've been looking forward to it all month and the day is finally here! But, as you are walking up the steps to the ballroom you trip and fall and severly sprain your left arm. Now, that wound will affect the rest of your experience of the evening. What was once something you were looking forward to, now becomes something to just get through. What was once a room full of people to interact with, now becomes a room full of potential threats. When someone approaches you now, you will be slightly on guard. If someone gets too close you will reflexively pull back a little. Not because you are expecting them to attack, but because everyday encounters now have the potental to hurt because of your wounded arm. Were your arm not hurt, someone could bump up against you accidentally and it would be no big deal. Now, it will HURT! It's the same with unresolved Feelings. They affect the way we look at the world, like a carnaval or fun-house mirror it distorts the reality just slightly because of the unresolved Feelings within (vs. the reality of the world around).
Our Feelings are driven by the fourth layer inside, which are our Beliefs. Now, when I use the word Beliefs in this instance I am referring to the “I” messages about self. Our core, gut experience of our identity, value, worth, lovability. This is very different from our intellectual (Thought layer) knowledge or even our emotional (Feelings layer) confidence about our self. We can know something to be true or not true, we can overtly emotionally struggle or not struggle with something, and there still be a disconnection at our Belief level about self. Beliefs have to do with our confidence of experience in who we are. Our Beliefs serve as a filter for what we allow in as a commentary about ourselves or what we are able to dismiss as being invalid/inaccurate about our self.
For example, imagine that you are literally “an attractive, Black, woman.” You have come to me for help and I tell you that your only problem is that you are really“an ugly, White, man.” Naturally, your response is going to be, “Wow, you are a brilliant clinician! I think you can really help me!” Right? Of course not! Your response, whether you say it out loud or not, is that I’m a few sandwiches short of a picnic! (Some would say you’re not far off. But, that’s another story.) In this silly example, you (the “attractive, Black, woman”) have complete confidence of experience in the fact that you ARE an “attractive, Black, woman.” No part of you doubts the truth of these facts because you have lived your life experiencing the fact that you are, in fact, “attractive,” and “black,” and “a woman.” For me, or anyone else, to suggest otherwise is immediately dismissed by your Beliefs about yourself. You are able to say “that’s not me, therefore it has to be an error on the other’s part.”
What if, however, I were to make a commentary about some other aspect about yourself that you weren’t as confident about in your Beliefs about self (your height, weight, intelligence, popularity, ability, competence, etc.)? Then, rather than being able to immediately dismiss such a statement as “not true, that’s not who I am,” the statement would penetrate rather than be dismissed. It would stir those elements where there is a lack of confidence about yourself because the statement hits too close to home. Part of you would identify with the truth of the statement, or at lease not be able to totally dismiss the non-truth. That would then stir Feelings, and Thoughts, and Behaviors is reaction to the Belief struggle.
Our Beliefs are driven by the deepest layer of who we are, which are our Needs. We all recognize, and none of us question, that God made us with physical Needs that we can’t live without (air, food, water, etc.). But, God also make us with internal Needs that are just as real and critical to our survival as external Needs (love, security, acceptance, belonging- just to name a few). And, these internal Needs operate exactly like the external ones. It’s not that they make life more enjoyable, it’s that they make life possible. We can’t live without them, just like we can’t live without the external Needs. And, when they go unmet the same survival mechanism kicks in that kick in whenever our physical Needs are threatened. We immediately become singularly focused on getting more of that unmet Need. In the same way that if I were to hold your head under water and deprive you of the air you Need you would turn from a calm, rational person into a wild, uncontrollable animal desperately focused on getting AIR!!
Or, if you were stranded in the desert for a few days you would become singularly focused on finding food and water! The same thing happens when our internal Needs are threatened and go unmet. We go into Survival Mode, focused on finding a way to meet our internal Need(s).
All of us would like to think that we are in full control of our actions (Behaviors) and choices (Thoughts), but the truth is we are really ruled by our Beliefs and Needs. It more a case of the “tail wagging the dog”than it is the “dog wagging the tail.” That’s why it’s so important to address these internal Need states, heal them, and understand their connection and influence to our Emotions, Thoughts, and Behaviors. And, when counseling fails to get at these deepest levels its' the equivalent of merely putting a bandaid on a gash, or cutting-off the weeds at the surface but not getting to the roots, or medicating the symptom without getting to the source of the problem so it can be healed.
I languished through model after model- Behavioral, Developmental, Cognitive, Cognitive-Behavioral, Experiential, Cognitive-Experiential, Rational, Emotive, Rational-Emotive, Gestalt, Systemic, Strategic, Structural, Trans-generational, Reality, Analytical, Psychoanalytical, Hypnosis, Inner-Child, Theological, Spiritual…. The list went on-and-on. Each model offered something of value, but fell well short of holistically addressing the real/core issue(s) and finding resolution, not merely relief of the current symptom. Ultimately, I gave up trying to find an existing model that fulfilled the need and began work on developing such a model myself. Egotistical? Perhaps, but it was based out of the purest of motivations, the desire to help others find genuine wholeness and healing.
The culmination of my work resulted in what I coined as the P.A.I.N. Model. P.A.I.N. stands for Personal AndInter-personal Nexus. It describes theinterplay between our internal, relational, and environmental experiences and their resulting effects on the life of an individual. It is also a play on the word pain, as unresolved problems are painful and the pathway to healing must often go through the pain and come out the other side to wholeness and healing.
In principle, the model itself is simplistic to describe and intuitive in explanation, but rich in depth and power. The model is based on the principle that if an individual can identify the Core or Source issue in their life, distinguishing the Core from the multiplicity of resulting symptoms which arise as a result of the Core issue (after-effects, coping-mechanisms, escape-mechanisms, defense-mechanisms, etc.). By identifying the Source of the problem it automatically identifies the Source of the solution. Once the Core issue is resolved there is no longer a need for symptom issues and they can be quickly resolved, often they disappear on their own with the resolution of the Core issue and the Source solution. Think about this in terms of the laws of mathematics. By reducing the equation (symptoms) down to it’s most basic element (Core issue), it is now only a matter of solving for the singular solution to that problem (Source solution). The solution is made clear by the identification of the problem, and since we have zeroed-in on exactly what the problem is we can also zero-in on exactly what solution is needed.
Imagine that I told you that in order for you to overcoming all your problems you have to be able to jump across the Mississippi River. If you can just get to the point that in one step you soar over the Mississippi River all your problems will be resolvable. How manageable does that sound? Well, it depends on where you’re looking to start. If you’re like most people and someone says “the Mississippi River” you’ll think about the Southern half of the river, where the river can be a mile wide and a hundred feet deep with paddle boats and barges traveling up and down it’s currents. You tell yourself,“that’s impossible!” Maybe I could train and become an Olympic caliber athlete and get to the point I could long-jump twenty or thirty feet, but so what! What’s twenty or thirty feet compared to a mile!
But, what if we looked at another spot along the Mississippi River. If we trace the Mississippi backwards toward it source, we can get to a spot in Northern Minnesota where the Mississippi River starts off as a spring so small that you can step across without even having to stretch your legs(much less jump twenty or thirty feet). Now, that’s manageable! You can do that!
It’s the same with tracing our unmanageable and overwhelming problems back to their source. By doing so we are able to key into the origins and deal with the manageable source rather than the overwhelming complexity and variations of symptoms that have come over time. If we were to generalize an individual, we could break them down into five (5) basic layers. Each layer deeper than the next and each layer driving the layer above it from the inside out.
The most superficial layer of who we are our actions or Behaviors. What we do, where we do it, when we do it, who we do it with, and how we do it. Our Behaviors, the way we act and interact, are our best attempts to cope-with, solve, resolve the problems, issues, concerns we perceive in our life. This doesn’t mean that our actions are necessarily healthy or the best possible strategy, it’s just the best one we have been able to incorporate up to this point in our life.
Our Behaviors, are driven by the next layer which are our Thoughts. How we think about and perceive our world and the people within it. More particularly, our place in relation to people and the world around us. Our perception, whether accurate or distorted, directly affects how we Behave.For example, it thought that just outside my door a man-eating tiger was prowling around, it isn’t going to make a difference if there really is or isn’t one there. Because, I’M NOT OPENING THAT DOOR to risk finding out! Or, if I think that I live in a safe neighborhood I may leave my doors unlocked or the windows open so the breeze can blow through. If, however, I think I live in a dangerous neighborhood, not only will I NEVER leave my doors unlocked or have my windows open, but I may have bars, or alarms, or guard-dogs as well.
Maybe the best example of how our Thoughts drive our Behaviors is a historical one. Do you remember learning in school how people used to think the world was flat? So, nobody sailed very far on ships because they were afraid of falling off the edge of the flat world. Their perception directly affected what they did (or rather did not do- sail).
Our Thoughts are driven by the third layer which are our Feelings, the emotions we carry around inside. If our emotional experience is primarily composed of positive, healthy, whole/healed Feelings then that sets us up for more positive, confident, assertive, pro-active Thoughts and clearer perceptions. However, if much of our emotional experience is characterized by negative, unhealthy, unhealed Feelings (anger, fear, worry, doubt, guilty, shame, hurt, etc.) then it sets us up for more negative, tentative, reactive Thoughts and distorted perceptions. Such a reactive, unhealed emotional state will often drive polarized Thought states. Individuals will either obsess, dwell, over-think/analyze things or will go to the other extreme and try to distract, avoid, repress, and try not to think about it or be reminded about it at all. Most of us are stuck somewhere in the middle and will bounce around like a cork in the ocean, tossed this way and then that way depending upon the emotional wave of the moment. We’d like to think that we are masters of our own ship (fate), when really we are at the mercy of the unresolved Feelings within.
For example. Imagine you have a big gala ball to attend this weekend. A big black-tie/gown affair. You've been looking forward to it all month and the day is finally here! But, as you are walking up the steps to the ballroom you trip and fall and severly sprain your left arm. Now, that wound will affect the rest of your experience of the evening. What was once something you were looking forward to, now becomes something to just get through. What was once a room full of people to interact with, now becomes a room full of potential threats. When someone approaches you now, you will be slightly on guard. If someone gets too close you will reflexively pull back a little. Not because you are expecting them to attack, but because everyday encounters now have the potental to hurt because of your wounded arm. Were your arm not hurt, someone could bump up against you accidentally and it would be no big deal. Now, it will HURT! It's the same with unresolved Feelings. They affect the way we look at the world, like a carnaval or fun-house mirror it distorts the reality just slightly because of the unresolved Feelings within (vs. the reality of the world around).
Our Feelings are driven by the fourth layer inside, which are our Beliefs. Now, when I use the word Beliefs in this instance I am referring to the “I” messages about self. Our core, gut experience of our identity, value, worth, lovability. This is very different from our intellectual (Thought layer) knowledge or even our emotional (Feelings layer) confidence about our self. We can know something to be true or not true, we can overtly emotionally struggle or not struggle with something, and there still be a disconnection at our Belief level about self. Beliefs have to do with our confidence of experience in who we are. Our Beliefs serve as a filter for what we allow in as a commentary about ourselves or what we are able to dismiss as being invalid/inaccurate about our self.
For example, imagine that you are literally “an attractive, Black, woman.” You have come to me for help and I tell you that your only problem is that you are really“an ugly, White, man.” Naturally, your response is going to be, “Wow, you are a brilliant clinician! I think you can really help me!” Right? Of course not! Your response, whether you say it out loud or not, is that I’m a few sandwiches short of a picnic! (Some would say you’re not far off. But, that’s another story.) In this silly example, you (the “attractive, Black, woman”) have complete confidence of experience in the fact that you ARE an “attractive, Black, woman.” No part of you doubts the truth of these facts because you have lived your life experiencing the fact that you are, in fact, “attractive,” and “black,” and “a woman.” For me, or anyone else, to suggest otherwise is immediately dismissed by your Beliefs about yourself. You are able to say “that’s not me, therefore it has to be an error on the other’s part.”
What if, however, I were to make a commentary about some other aspect about yourself that you weren’t as confident about in your Beliefs about self (your height, weight, intelligence, popularity, ability, competence, etc.)? Then, rather than being able to immediately dismiss such a statement as “not true, that’s not who I am,” the statement would penetrate rather than be dismissed. It would stir those elements where there is a lack of confidence about yourself because the statement hits too close to home. Part of you would identify with the truth of the statement, or at lease not be able to totally dismiss the non-truth. That would then stir Feelings, and Thoughts, and Behaviors is reaction to the Belief struggle.
Our Beliefs are driven by the deepest layer of who we are, which are our Needs. We all recognize, and none of us question, that God made us with physical Needs that we can’t live without (air, food, water, etc.). But, God also make us with internal Needs that are just as real and critical to our survival as external Needs (love, security, acceptance, belonging- just to name a few). And, these internal Needs operate exactly like the external ones. It’s not that they make life more enjoyable, it’s that they make life possible. We can’t live without them, just like we can’t live without the external Needs. And, when they go unmet the same survival mechanism kicks in that kick in whenever our physical Needs are threatened. We immediately become singularly focused on getting more of that unmet Need. In the same way that if I were to hold your head under water and deprive you of the air you Need you would turn from a calm, rational person into a wild, uncontrollable animal desperately focused on getting AIR!!
Or, if you were stranded in the desert for a few days you would become singularly focused on finding food and water! The same thing happens when our internal Needs are threatened and go unmet. We go into Survival Mode, focused on finding a way to meet our internal Need(s).
All of us would like to think that we are in full control of our actions (Behaviors) and choices (Thoughts), but the truth is we are really ruled by our Beliefs and Needs. It more a case of the “tail wagging the dog”than it is the “dog wagging the tail.” That’s why it’s so important to address these internal Need states, heal them, and understand their connection and influence to our Emotions, Thoughts, and Behaviors. And, when counseling fails to get at these deepest levels its' the equivalent of merely putting a bandaid on a gash, or cutting-off the weeds at the surface but not getting to the roots, or medicating the symptom without getting to the source of the problem so it can be healed.